Extra Cash -- How To Earn More and Spend Less As A Family (Part 2)

You know, I've spent several days really considering what I wanted to write in this post. After all, this is it; this is why I'm writing this blog, to talk about what it takes to save money as a family and how to avoid the pitfalls. Meanwhile, I'm trying, myself, to save money and avoid pitfalls.

In my first post about this, I talked about how truly difficult it can be to have both parents working without one or both taking on a second job. The cost of babysitters or childcare is a big problem. For those with family nearby who will watch the kids for free, well, I wish I were you. But for the rest of us whose family is in another city or state (or country), there are other issues to consider.

But I see the hole in my story, and actually it is the first thing we did when I started working, so it is my first piece of advice.

1. Stagger your hours. If you can work evenings and your spouse can work days, then you can trade off watching the kid(s). Most parents do this at some point or another, and my spouse and I traded off for nearly three years. Pitfalls include:

• One parent who feels insecure about watching a very small child, or overwhelmed watching two or three. This sounds a bit silly, but the first time my husband left me alone with our first-born, who was two weeks old, I was terrified. Some families leave the role of watching young children to the mother, and the father may feel ill-prepared. Word of advice: get over it. And men? Never use the term "babysitting" when you're watching your own child. Please!
• Stress on your marriage. I worked Saturdays, all day -- for three years. Even when Saturday was the only day I worked, it was hard not having a whole weekend with my spouse. We rarely got to do things as a family. It wasn't as bad when I worked nights, for some reason, probably because I worked a swing shift and was home by 9:30 p.m., but the Saturdays killed me. That being said, it can be done, but maybe not for too long -- after all, divorce is expensive too.

Despite the problems, this is the easiest strategy for most families. After all, your kids are with a loving parent, they are home, and the care is free. Even if your children go to daycare, there are really good reasons to limit their time there, and with 2 working parents, staggered hours are the best way to do it.

My next solution for families in financial trouble is really over-the-top. It is controversial, and I would hesitate to talk about it except that it just simply needs to be brought up.

2. Have one parent quit working.

If you want to earn more and spend less, and you have small children, don't get a 2nd job -- quit the one you have. Really. Particularly for lower- to middle-class families, that second job might pay for a nicer car, but most of the money will go to childcare, emergency take-out dinners and the required niceties for work (dress pants, leather shoes, etc.) Take home pay ends up being quite small; you also miss all the milestones your children go through (first steps, first words, etc.).

Quitting work doesn't mean the same thing as giving up your career. Maybe you want to finish up a bachelor's degree, or work on a master's degree. You can keep up with your former co-workers by dropping in to chat occasionally. A lot of studies show that women (I don't know of any studies regarding men) who leave the workforce have a hard time re-entering - if they re-enter with the same, old set of skills they had when they left. Taking a class is a minor expense and can be crucial to keeping your working skills sharp for when those childcare expenses drop (the older the child, the cheaper the care).

I know there is a "culture" of stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) and working moms, and the media love to play off of the culture war. I personally was a part of a "mommy group" and was irritated when they considered me a working mother (the connotation was negative) -- I worked 6 hours a week on Saturdays, and my husband was with our son the entire time -- but this kind of either/or attitude was and is simply ridiculous. I actually dropped out of the group, the prejudice among them was so strong -- they were all "devoted SAHMs" who had given up their jobs deliberately. I know that writing about the financial aspects of this just plays into the hands of these helicopter-mom types, but please note I didn't say mom should stay at home -- I said parent. I know several stay-at-home dads and my husband and I have traded off over the past 5 years; sometimes I worked part-time and he worked full-time, sometimes it was reversed. It's just good to be flexible about this as a family (for a good read, try The Two-Income Trap by Warren and Tyaqi).

(Side note: A lot of people don't realize that the FMLA, or Family and Medical Leave Act, covers fathers as well as mothers. Dads are guaranteed 12 weeks of unpaid leave after the birth of a child. My husband and I staggered ours, keeping our daughter out of care for almost 6 months. I had short-term disability insurance and received 75% pay for 8 weeks; my husband's boss asked his co-workers to "donate" leave so he got three months at home with full pay. It was the best money we've ever made!)

3. Be creative with your job. This can mean asking your boss if you can bring your child or children to work with you (this complicates if you have more than one, and is hard around the toddler stage). I was surprised to find that the affluent non-profit I worked for in Washington, D.C. was fine with me bringing my son (he cried during a call to the Undersecretary of State -- I was mortified) while the children's section of a library I worked at not only did not let me bring my children, they tried to ban them from the area if I was there (I threatened to quit -- after all, it was a public area). You never know who will be flexible -- and who won't. Here are some other job ideas:

• Work at home. You might be surprised that I didn't suggest this before I suggested one spouse quit, but that's because most studies show that a parent who works at home has very little time to watch their children, and they are better off in childcare with all the accompanying ABCs and art projects. However, it can be cheaper to find someone to au pair or watch the children while you are present. Working at home during off-hours is really the best option, both mentally and financially, but we've never been able to swing it. I think this option sounds better than it actually is in practice; most people I know end up needing to put their children in childcare, at least part-time, in order to do well working at home.
  
• Involve your children in your job. This, of course, very much depends on the job. Sometimes children can be taken along. Other jobs naturally involve your children; I worked at my son's preschool as a substitute for a while. He got 50% off tuition and I got a small wage. While I only made $7/hour, once I added the tuition break to my wage, it bumped it up to $10.75-$13/hour. It wasn't a great amount, but I could come to work when I wanted, and I received a lot of free training about discipline and child development.

4. Be creative with your non-job. Some of these ideas work for really ambitious working parents, too.

• Turn a hobby into money. This can be small or big; sell your creations on Etsy, like this person, or start your own business. A friend of mine was an avid fisherman; now he owns a little fishing gear business, employs his father, and his kids (aged 9 and 12) help out. He even hires my dad to fix boats for him.
• Watch someone else's kids. I just started watching an 11-month-old baby for $8/hour. Since my daughter and the baby just play together, this is up on my list of easiest jobs. The only drawbacks are all the laundry I get done while sitting on the floor, playing with them (wait, did I say drawback?)
• Fix stuff. A stay-at-home dad I know fixes people's computers and does small carpentry jobs for extra cash. A mom I know is a licensed hairstylist; she goes to people's homes (particularly the elderly who don't drive, or shut-ins) and does their hair.
• Be creative with your property. BostonGal rents out her basement; we are in the process of turning our guesthouse into a vacation rental.
• Join a food co-op. This is just another way to turn a hobby (gardening) into money, by selling your vegetables.
• Blog. I am waiting for this to work out. Still...waiting....

There are many ways to make extra money as a family, even if the difficulties of finding childcare are ever present. For the lucky, a flexible job can allow extra time for hobbies, making homemade food (cheaper) and still fitting in trips to the park. For everyone else, some life changes may be in order.

That's what kids do; they change your life. Those who try to avoid it fight a losing battle. Best to move on, cut back on costs, and occasionally remind your senator that daycare still costs more than a university education.