Downsizing our life

During our recent moves, we decided to do a bit of downsizing. By a bit, I mean a heart-rending disposal of approximately 50% of all our worldly goods. As you can tell, this was easy for me, as I am someone who throws things away all the time. Okay, maybe not so much. I come from the school of "save everything until you die, and then give it to a relative." My mother has kept practically everything since 1965, in addition to collecting "antiques" from long before then.

So I started wondering, since I read a lot of personal finance bloggers, if frugal people tend to save stuff like my mother does, or if it is something people do in order to appear to be frugal. Sort of an 'image versus reality' sort of thing. I mean, most PF bloggers seem thrilled to find that 50 cent box of nails they put away five years ago, counting that change towards retirement goals. But frankly, I got to the point where I was overwhelmed with things, and mostly I swam in a house too full of stuff, and ended up rebuying things simply because I couldn't find the originals I had stuck away someplace.

I may have mentioned reading Clutter's Last Stand, a book that pointed out what a waste saving stuff is. I can't disagree with the premise that saving stuff can be harmful, particularly because I tend to be a depressive person, and too much clutter depresses me even more. I have a hard time dealing with an excess of "stuff," probably because I grew up in my mother's house.

That being said, we have thrown out a lot of good stuff, stuff I try not to think too hard about, and occasionally we've had to replace things. I was starting to rethink how much we were throwing out when I went to my parent's house. That visit gave me a sharp reminder of what it means to collect material objects, and also reaffirmed my decision to give up a lot of my belongings in order to increase my peace of mind. (Should be a formula -- decreasing material items = increasing peace of mind)

Now, my parents could be famous for "how not to invest," and I have to say that I am blogging right now in part because of them. My mother has no investments of her own, under her name. They invested $4,000 into an IRA eight years ago, it dropped to $800 in 2001 and my father promptly sold the entire portfolio and reinvested in bonds. I told my mother, "It wasn't wise to sell at the bottom of the market," and she replied, "Oh, he didn't sell them. They were transformed into bonds." I'm not sure if a magic wand was included in this, but perhaps that gives you an idea of how my parents work when it comes to finances. (Other quotable quotes: "Of course I have it in writing. I wrote it down right here," and, in response to the comment "if you spend less and save more you'll have more money," she said, "It's not that simple. Our finances just don't work like that.")

I try not to react to my parents decisions about all things material and financial in a knee-jerk sort of way, but it's hard. For years I ran my finances purely on doing the opposite of what my parents do. So I spent some time second-guessing the decision to declutter -- and not to sell the stuff, but to donate or give it away -- because I didn't want to fall into that trap again.

One look at their house convinced me I was on the right track.

My parents house is...for lack of a better phrase...stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey. It's a cute house, really, on a very nice piece of land, and they've done some really nice improvements over the years. There are tall spruces in the front, a beautiful green lawn all around and...stuff piling up the driveway.

Inside the house, I can't walk through any single room without stepping over boxes, neatly piled clothing, "antiques" that are too large for the space, broken appliances waiting to be fixed, mail that has not been sorted...the list goes on and on. I went through my mother's mail for her once, just throwing out the junk mail, and she promptly found a missing $1800 check. Let me just say this -- keeping junk is expensive. Not only is the main living area barely usable (the kitchen is so full of dishes and various 'conveniences' that it is nearly impossibly to cook safely on the stove), but the basement is full. And the garage. And the two outbuildings. And most of the concrete back porch. And they are planning to build a huge carport -- not for the cars, but for the 'stuff.' Talk about expense!

I mentioned that I was cleaning out my house, and that recently I had thrown out everything in my closet that didn't fit. My mother frowned. "Well," she said. "What if you plan to lose weight? It isn't practical to have to buy a new wardrobe." (My mother has been planning to "lose weight" for years). I replied, "Sure it is! If I lose 20 pounds, I don't want to wear clothes from five years ago." She laughed, but I noticed she didn't give up a single too-small sweater. Or a pair of pants. She tried to press numerous things on me -- worn-out shoes, jeans for my husband, shirts in styles I would never wear. I refused them all. I realized that, not only were my parents junking up their lives, they were junking up mine as well.

So why would someone do such a thing? I talked to my dad about just one purchase -- Norton Antivirus software for his computer. He had purchased the software but it made his computer run very slowly. I suggested he use a different program, and he protested loudly that he would not. "Why?" I asked. "Because I paid for the Norton," he replied.

And there was the heart of the matter. He had paid "good money" for a program, and he'd use it, regardless of whether or not it worked well or was the right fit for him. That is the heart of the problem with their entire property -- it is full of bad purchases and poor investments, but to throw them out would be admitting they chose poorly or wrongly, and that is unbearable.

My parents do not enjoy the clutter. They grumble and fight about it, and because of it they are not proud of their house and never feel it is clean (it never appears to be, anyway, not in the traditional sense). They shuffle their possessions here and there and spend hours and hours looking for some $2 item they saved years ago. My mother is sentimentally attached to everything I ever owned, and a couple years ago they brought an entire truckload (literally -- a 3/4 ton truck full to the brim) of worthless old comics ("Are you sure Archie comics aren't worth something?" "No, they are still printing them"), graduation gowns, old prom dresses and several boxes of old letters. Most things went straight into the trash or to Goodwill. At least it got out of their basement. I was absolutely horrified they had kept all those things. I thought I had gotten rid of everything that was mine after I graduated college, but I guess my mom stashed a few things away secretly.

The irony is that under a molding pile of Reader's Digests, I found this article called "The Hoarder's Syndrome." It classifies excessive hoarding as a mental illness, and gives examples of people who have lost their lives or who have had to pay for costly cleanups ($14,000-$20,000) for clutter.

What do you think, oh ye frugal PF community? Do you save those shower curtain rings, proud not to spend $1.99 for a new set? Where is the boundary between "saving" and "mental illness." And how much is really saved in the long run?