Fantastic Post about Living with Children

If you read this blog much, you may notice that I tend to rant about the perception of single people and DINKS (double-income-no-kids) couples about the reality, financial or otherwise, of living with children. It is rare that I find a post I think is really great; there was a fairly decent guest post on Get Rich Slowly called How To Prepare For A Baby Without Going Broke. There were some simple things to do, like buying used baby clothes and furniture, and borrowing from friends. It also advised breastfeeding (I breastfed both my kids and it is considerably cheaper, even with the purchase of a $250 breast pump). It recommends cloth diapering, although most cost calculators find that people tend to break even once washing (hot water is a must for a load of diapers) and the cost of the cloth diapers and diaper covers is included. We ran those calculations ourselves, and finally switched to disposables after a few months of torture, because water is at such a premium in the southwest.

What tends to bother me is the "pollyanna" attitude so many people take; the reality is that even a used crib (I was recently shopping for one for a refugee family here in Tucson) runs $75-$100. That doesn't include a mattress ($50 and up) or blankets and sheets. So even someone who buys used can expect to spend $175-$200 for a crib, and parents must be careful not to get an older crib because they can be dangerous, even fatal, for infants (their little bodies slip through the slats, which are made too big, their heads get caught and they can hang themselves). So yes, buying used can save you money, so long as you are very careful, and watch the recalls and safety issues related to used goods.

Parenting, really, is an issue of preparation; if you know what's coming, you can be ready. The most important thing to do is to be stable financially before you even get pregnant. Someone who has at least a year at the same job, very little debt and is done with school is in the best state, financially, to handle pregnancy and children without incurring bankruptcy or undue stress. That doesn't make parenting perfect -- it just makes it easier.

However, when I read this post called 25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids, for the first time in a long time I felt someone "got" what it meant to parent.

Anyone who has kids knows that any life with kids is going to be complicated, at least to some degree. From extra laundry to bathing and cooking and shopping and driving and school and chores and crises and sports and dance and toys and tantrums, there is no shortage of complications.

You won’t get to ultra-simple if your life includes children … but you can find ways to simplify, no matter how many kids you have.

Take my life, for example: I have a house full of kids, and yet I’ve found ways to streamline my life, to find peace and happiness among the chaos. How is this magic trick accomplished? Nothing magical, actually, but just little things that have simplified my life over the years.

The main magic trick, however: making my family my top priority, and choosing only a small number of priorities in my life. If you have too many things you want to do, or need to do, your life will become complicated. But if you choose just a few things that are important to you, you can eliminate the rest, and simplify your life greatly.

The author goes on to list some really wonderful ways to enjoy your life as a parent, and these things also reduce costs over time. For example, cooking and cleaning with your kids reduces your tendency to eat out (or hire a housekeeper) and also provides learning time for the kids. Not over-scheduling also means not spending extra money on "activities" that may or may not be useful (a friend confessed that she spent $250 for a 6-week kinder-music course -- ouch!). My favorite tip, though, is the last one -- "Focus on Doing, not Spending." Not only do you save money this way, it also communicates something to your kids -- that love isn't about dollars.

And that, to me, just makes sense. Thanks to Zen Habits for the best post about families I've seen in a long time.

$4000 more on our credit cards

We got our tax refund back, and that combined with a little extra went towards paying off another credit card. We have a little more money coming and should be able to put another $2K on the credit cards next month, so I am very happy with our debt reduction. Since we are working against a deadline in May -- we'll lose $750/month in income then -- I'm hoping to have our credit card debt down to "manageable" if not "gone." We will just have one card with a balance after this week. I will adjust the bars to the left so everyone can see our progress.

We went ahead and spent $250 of our refund on a new iTouch for my husband; he's been collecting gift cards since last fall, and had over a third saved that way. Since he's been diligently saving in a savings account, and because we've been paying things off steadily, we agreed to make this purchase. He's a tech-head and has used his iPod of 3 years ago nearly every day and it's getting pretty old and delicate (when I set it down, it turns itself on, etc.). Plus, it means a lot to him. It's important to me to pay off the debt, but it's also important to let him have some cool stuff every now and then. I can hardly get him out of holey t-shirts and khaki shorts from the used clothing store, so it isn't as if he is a spendthrift in other ways.

I'm bringing in $400/month now babysitting and this month we'll pull in around $250 for the guesthouse, so that income is relatively steady. I'd like the guesthouse to be rented out more, but I'm giving it some time. I may start looking for more advertising venues; so far I've limited myself to "free," but I may be able to find some really low-cost things to do as well. I'm considering buying a domain and building a website for it also -- maybe a good project for summer, which is off-season here.

It's amazing how much cutting our monthly expenses -- $40 here, $60 there -- really helps. I don't feel nearly as stretched financially as I was just last fall, and we had more money coming in every month then.

We sold the car! $1500 more towards paying off our credit card

We finally sold the Volvo wagon yesterday, after a harrowing two days of last-minute fixes. I cracked the valve cover trying to change the valve cover gasket (gasket = .01 pounds of rubber and cardboard, valve cover = 2 lbs of metal). Luckily I found a used one, flirted with the guy at the counter and he gave me the cover for $10 instead of the $45 quoted price. Sometimes it pays to be a female who fixes cars... (not usually, though, just for the record).

So, we got $2100 for the car, and I used most of the money to pay off bills, although we've earmarked $150 for a good tune-up on our remaining car, and we are putting $1500 on credit cards.

Debt snowball, here we come!

Lessons I've Learned from Being Broke

This article in Kiplinger made me start to reflect on my own life and the times when I was happiest. Ironically, the times when I had the least amount of "things" in my life were some of my happiest times. One of the things I can't explain to my husband is that right now, even though we don't have a lot of extra money, I feel rich. I own a home. I have two kids that I adore. We can afford to have birthday parties, go out for dinner and buy clothes that fit. For someone who grew up without being able to afford to either attend or have a birthday party (my mom wouldn't let me go because we couldn't afford a gift), throwing my son a party at the Children's Museum in Tucson made me very happy. We might have a crumby car, and my husband might have to save up for his iTouch, and maybe I make things from scratch during the week so we can have that Sunday morning breakfast at our favorite breakfast place, but the more I downsize and get rid of "stuff," the happier I feel.

Very un-American, isn't it? At least, what with all the newspapers and t.v. media encouraging us to spend our way out of a recession.

Here are the highlights from this article, which I found very interesting.

1. Know your priorities.
2. Debt is a vampire.
3. Have a cushion to fall back on.
4. Set goals and tune out peer pressure.
5. Small sacrifices add up to big rewards.
6. The size of my bank account doesn't matter.

My favorite quote from the article: "I remember my dad telling me that the only things worth going into debt for were those that appreciated in value: a home and an education. Anything else will suck you dry. Lesson learned."

Quote of the Week

This is from a comment on Get Rich Slowly by Catherine on downsizing your life:

"I don’t want to be rich, I want to be free. And freedom is worth more than stuff."

Credit card debt down another $1000

With the extra money coming in this month, we were able to put another $1000 on our credit card debt. We also put extra toward my student loans and toward the mortgage. We are slowly paying things down, and I'm looking forward to adding up net worth for February!

Here's a few things we did this month to further reduce our cost of living:

*I pulled out our old bread machine and started making my own bread. At 86 cents a loaf, I can make whole wheat, all-organic bread for 1/5 of the cost of buying it at the store.

*I started making things in bulk. I made homemade macaroni and cheese, which seemed more expensive at the time (about $8 in ingredients), but one recipe made a giant pan and it lasted for several meals. I also made pinto beans from dry beans -- 3 lbs of dry beans = $2.00. My kids absolutely love refried beans, beans and eggs, beans and quesadillas...you get the point. Since I make the beans myself, I get to control what goes in them. I put 2 strips of bacon in the entire pot, and the bacon flavor...mmmmm. And instead of one person eating 2 strips of bacon for breakfast, we ate the "taste" of the bacon in the beans for over a week. This saved money AND was better for us. (tip: I froze pints of beans, which were enough for about 2 meals. This kept them fresh, and the freezing actually makes the beans better for refrying.)

*I started making my son's lunches for school. This week I made him a lunch 3 days out of 4, and not only was he thrilled, he got fresh bread, fresh fruit and a healthy snack of root vegetable chips instead of his usual lunch at school -- pizza, pre-made bean burritos or a hotdog. I also put a note in his lunch, which made him really happy.

*I tried to get by on as little as possible. When I went to the grocery store, I stuck to fresh foods and bulk items. I found that, when I avoided the doomsday aisles of chips, crackers and juices, I could get everything I needed for under $50 a trip, or for around $100/week. This worked even at Trader Joe's.

*I bought in bulk from Amazon.com. This helped alleviate the costs of dry goods items like diapers and paper towels, and it allowed me to buy unbleached, recycled products like 7th generation. I didn't know at first if it would really reduce our total costs, but it truly has.

*I cancelled our YMCA membership. This was hard to do, but I have to go at least 10 times in a month to justify the $60 monthly cost, and it wasn't happening. I did use it last fall, when I went to Pilates 3x a week (and I loved the class!), but the nursery uses bleach and it made my daughter break out a lot afterwards, so I finally stopped going. I can still use the Y for $6-8/day, depending on which one I go to, but it was hard to give up the membership. However, $60/month was a pretty big expense -- $720/year. It is more than the insurance on our Volvo, and we're selling the car so we won't have to pay that expense, so I decided it had to be.

Those are some of the things I've done the last 6 weeks to try to save money, and it really has worked. It is surprising how the small things make a difference, and even more surprising how your attitude changes. I "treated" myself to a lunch at Barnes & Noble, and I was terribly disappointed in my $6 half-sandwich that was overcooked and drowning in cheap Italian dressing. The kids got a cookie, and for $1.95 I expected a good cookie, but it was stale and tasteless, and I thought, how their quality has gone down! But then I realized that the cafe has not changed -- I've changed. Making my food from scratch, and realizing the actual cost of a thing has changed how I look at things.

We are waiting on a possible buyer for the Volvo, so that, combined with (hopefully!) a tax return could pay off a pretty big chunk of debt. I'm feeling good about our 'debt snowball' at this point; next stop, reducing our energy bills.

The Month Of February: Success!

This month we rented out our guesthouse by the week and made $450 ($100 more than monthly rental). We would have made another $80 but there was some confusion on the dates. That amount, combined with the $256 I made doing some light babysitting, brought my salary this month to $706, or roughly twice what I brought home when I worked part-time at a real job (after daycare).

The hardest part is not knowing what next month will bring, but hopefully more renters. We had a great experience this month and hope it will continue.