Fantastic Post about Living with Children

If you read this blog much, you may notice that I tend to rant about the perception of single people and DINKS (double-income-no-kids) couples about the reality, financial or otherwise, of living with children. It is rare that I find a post I think is really great; there was a fairly decent guest post on Get Rich Slowly called How To Prepare For A Baby Without Going Broke. There were some simple things to do, like buying used baby clothes and furniture, and borrowing from friends. It also advised breastfeeding (I breastfed both my kids and it is considerably cheaper, even with the purchase of a $250 breast pump). It recommends cloth diapering, although most cost calculators find that people tend to break even once washing (hot water is a must for a load of diapers) and the cost of the cloth diapers and diaper covers is included. We ran those calculations ourselves, and finally switched to disposables after a few months of torture, because water is at such a premium in the southwest.

What tends to bother me is the "pollyanna" attitude so many people take; the reality is that even a used crib (I was recently shopping for one for a refugee family here in Tucson) runs $75-$100. That doesn't include a mattress ($50 and up) or blankets and sheets. So even someone who buys used can expect to spend $175-$200 for a crib, and parents must be careful not to get an older crib because they can be dangerous, even fatal, for infants (their little bodies slip through the slats, which are made too big, their heads get caught and they can hang themselves). So yes, buying used can save you money, so long as you are very careful, and watch the recalls and safety issues related to used goods.

Parenting, really, is an issue of preparation; if you know what's coming, you can be ready. The most important thing to do is to be stable financially before you even get pregnant. Someone who has at least a year at the same job, very little debt and is done with school is in the best state, financially, to handle pregnancy and children without incurring bankruptcy or undue stress. That doesn't make parenting perfect -- it just makes it easier.

However, when I read this post called 25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids, for the first time in a long time I felt someone "got" what it meant to parent.

Anyone who has kids knows that any life with kids is going to be complicated, at least to some degree. From extra laundry to bathing and cooking and shopping and driving and school and chores and crises and sports and dance and toys and tantrums, there is no shortage of complications.

You won’t get to ultra-simple if your life includes children … but you can find ways to simplify, no matter how many kids you have.

Take my life, for example: I have a house full of kids, and yet I’ve found ways to streamline my life, to find peace and happiness among the chaos. How is this magic trick accomplished? Nothing magical, actually, but just little things that have simplified my life over the years.

The main magic trick, however: making my family my top priority, and choosing only a small number of priorities in my life. If you have too many things you want to do, or need to do, your life will become complicated. But if you choose just a few things that are important to you, you can eliminate the rest, and simplify your life greatly.

The author goes on to list some really wonderful ways to enjoy your life as a parent, and these things also reduce costs over time. For example, cooking and cleaning with your kids reduces your tendency to eat out (or hire a housekeeper) and also provides learning time for the kids. Not over-scheduling also means not spending extra money on "activities" that may or may not be useful (a friend confessed that she spent $250 for a 6-week kinder-music course -- ouch!). My favorite tip, though, is the last one -- "Focus on Doing, not Spending." Not only do you save money this way, it also communicates something to your kids -- that love isn't about dollars.

And that, to me, just makes sense. Thanks to Zen Habits for the best post about families I've seen in a long time.